My client, Walt, was declining, but doing okay and living on his own in his own home. Then he took a turn for the worse and ended up in the hospital and then in a nursing facility about 90 minutes away from his home. Besides being large, loud, angry and demanding to go home, he also had an open wound that was being treated.
I think he needed to be there, but the wound was healing well and he had someone to take him to all of his medical appointments, so he started calling me several times a week to see what we could do to get him out of there. He claimed that they wouldn’t let him leave, and that his sons had taken his wallet and ID and wouldn’t give them back.
It wasn’t a good situation, but I told him that they couldn’t hold him there against his will unless he was a danger to himself or others — and he wasn’t.
I told him that I previously had a client who was told by the hospital staff that he would die at the sidewalk if he left, but he called me and told me to meet him at the sidewalk with his trust amendment, and he’d sign there before his ex-wife took him off to her house. We signed the papers on the sidewalk, and then he got in the car with his ex and went home. He ended up living for a few more years without being hospitalized again.
No, that’s not what I encourage, but Walt wasn’t a good patient, and was causing problems for himself by fighting with everyone. He claimed that whenever he walked near the door, eight employees would block his path, but then his friend went to see him a week later and the two of them just walked right out and his friend gave him a ride home.
But, he was broke financially because his son had taken his ID, wallet, and checkbook, and told the bank not to give him access to his accounts because he had dementia. Walt didn’t have dementia, but he also didn’t have access to his own money.
Reports to Adult Protective Services are anonymous, but he thinks his son was the one who reported him in danger. After the social workers paid Walt a surprise visit, their only comment was that he needed to install grip bars in the shower and by the toilet. He agreed, but had no access to his bank account to be able to pay a handyman for the work.
I spoke with Walt on several different occasions, and he seemed to be okay mentally, so I told him to come into the office where we spoke for another 90 minutes. He was angry, but clear headed. He wanted to give me the unpleasant task of getting his sons to give him back his ID and wallet and checkbook.
He son, unfortunately, replied that he would convene a family meeting to discuss the request with his siblings. Then I had to inform the son that withholding his father’s personal items and denying him access to his own funds was likely financial elder abuse, and he might be subjected to both fines and a term in prison. I told him that it wasn’t a good idea to deny his father’s wishes, and that he had two days to return everything.
I’m sure that the son wasn’t pleased with me, but everything got returned to Walt promptly.
What about you? Will your kids fight against you? Will they help you maintain your independence and return to your own home?
The son was so frustrated that he said that he didn’t care whether Walt died, and that he didn’t care about getting any inheritance. So why was he fighting so hard against his father’s wishes?
If you have adult children, you probably realize that you don’t always agree with each other on every issue, but will they try to impose their own wishes upon you, or will they try to help you live the life you want?